Reading back through old journal entries reveals heartfelt communications with God, when I have felt otherwise. I need to remember what God has brought me through and done in my life, especially during times where hope is scarce and my soul feels despondent. What I have declared in the light, I need to reclaim in the darkness.
God I need to believe. I need to know and I need the strength to trust you in faith for that which I do not know. I doubt You are enough for me, truly good and sovereign over everything in my life. I do not want to doubt you, Abba. As your child I long to believe who You say you are. I long to trust what You have said and have the faith to believe when i cannot see or feel or know for certain. Please help me to overcome my unbelief. I long with all that is in me, Jesus. Show me Your heart, Lord, and make mine more like your own. I ask this in faith – my mustard-seed grain of faith, Lord.
Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge.
I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord;
I have no good apart from you.”
As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones,
in whom is all my delight.
The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply;
their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out
or take their names on my lips.
The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup;
you hold my lot.
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.
I bless the Lord who gives me counsel;
in the night also my heart instructs me.
I have set the Lord always before me;
because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;
my flesh also dwells secure.
For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,
or let your holy one see corruption.
You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures for evermore. – Psalm 16
Perhaps I am not experiencing joy because I do not truly believe these truths. Sad. I long for my heart to be glad and my tongue to rejoice.
I must believe that “apart from God i have no good thing” and the “Lord [has] assigned me my portion and my cup; [He has] made my lot secure”; that He “will not abandon me to the grave… made known to me the path of life”. Lord, please ‘fill me with joy in your presence.”
Lord, I do know and believe You are sovereign over all matters, however small or insignificant, big or of utmost importance. I know that You are the only one who is able to change people’s hearts. I am fully aware that the work I am doing is only something I can accomplish with Your help. I think I have been lacking, however, in truly asking for your help. I don’t come to You nearly enough for the tasks at hand. And to be honest, sometimes I don’t even know how to pray. How do I ask You for help? I know I kneed you. How do I rely on You more? I know I need You. How do I ask for You to move in my ministry? I know I need You – Jesus, I need You.
God, I need You to move mountains – here is my tiny mustard seed of faith… I cannot continue, however long it may be, without a surpassing joy in my life. Fill my heart with Your delight and love, may my hope rest in the shalom I have with You. May I be open to fully embrace all that You have for me, Lord.
Lord, thank you for today. Thank You for rest, for warm coffee, for beautiful music, for peaceful time with You. Thank you for beautiful fall days, for gorgeous colors everywhere I look, for blue skies and white, fluffy clouds. Thank you for watching over us, Lord, for protecting us physically, spiritually – thank You for providing everything and then some. You are Jehovah Jireh and I am so sorry for ever doubting You. I have so much Lord – because I have You. You are more than enough to be grateful every day. May I never forget that.
Mulling over a thought from yesterday: what if the road-blocks in our journey are actually landmarks of your provision and faithfulness? To me it looks like an obstacle, a barrier, an impossible challenge in my way – but to You nothing is impossible. I believe You use these things to remind us – looking back – that You came through and stepped in when I didn’t think I could go on. Help me to remember You, God, when I cannot seem to carry on, when the way seems too hard to continue, when my sight is blurry – may my faith be renewed in You, Lord. Rather than throwing in the towel and growing bitter, may I look to You for hope, for strength – for that which I do not possess or cannot do on my own. Guide me, Lord, by sight, strength and salvation.