I have been wanting to talk about this for some time now and have spent considerable discussion with other Christian women in my life on this topic. Now I am taking the opportunity to respond to this awesome article, which challenges Christian men to step up in dating. I am also writing this post after receiving encouragment from a fellow guy friend who is asking Christian girls to step up as well. I whole-heartedly agree.
He said, “they need to say yes when the guy asks them, unless she is just absolutely sure that he is not her type of guy. I know that a lot of guys are hesitant because of the fear of rejection… All I am trying to say here is that if a man is expected to ask a lady out, then the lady should be expected to give the guy a chance.”
As a disclaimer, many of the things I am addressing are things that I have wrestled with myself or are paradigm shifts that I have had to change with my own thoughts about dating/marriage expectations as a Christian. So know that everything I say here I have said first to myself and worked out personally with the Lord through lots of prayer.
First off, I want to address the fairy-tale notion I fear many Christian girls have. You know, the I’m-just-waiting-for-Mr.Right or God-will-bring-us-together mentality. No! I don’t think this is biblical at all. We are not promised spouses, so please, please, please stop waiting around for God to drop someone into your lap. He is your treasure, He is your portion, He is your prize. Fix your eyes on Him. (Matthew 6:25-34)
Second, I think many Christian girls also have a mindset of “Oh, I just want him to know I like him” or “I think guys should be the pursuer so I am going to sit on my butt and wait for him to make a move”. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love to see men initiate and pursue girls. I think it is wonderful and good and ought to be encouraged more and more. And men are not mind-readers! We know this, but we continue to frustrate them. (I am so sorry guys!) So my charge to you, ladies, is please use some of the thousands of words in your daily usage to let a guy know that you like him. It doesn’t have to be overly dramatic and I’m not advising you pour out your soul to him, but simply let him know that you enjoy his company or appreciate him. It will go a long way in building a Christ-like friendship. (Even if you don’t end up dating – you are still building a brother up in Christ!)
Now, for this whole dating thing. *sigh* Can I just say that I have learned a lot from mistakes, from being too judgmental and from having expectations that are not realistic or biblical.
So, on that note, if we encourage men to initiate, then we must respond accordingly.
It takes major guts to ask a girl out (yes, even just for coffee) and that means that you probably mean something to him. If a guy is willing to put himself and his pride on the line to ask you out, he probably thinks pretty highly of you or at least is interested in getting to know you better. And by saying “yes” you are not saying you want to marry him or even that you want to be his girlfriend (please, don’t get ahead of yourself!). What you are saying is “I am willing to look at you differently than I have before”. You are giving him a chance to show a different side of himself, a chance to get to know him better and a chance for him to serve you however small it may be.
If we want men to step up to the plate and ask us out, then we need to step up as well and allow them to take us out. After all, “it’s not a marriage proposal, it’s just coffee”.