Sometimes, I wish I could just dump my brain out on the table to sort through everything. I wish thoughts weren’t so abstract and emotions such a convoluted mess. I guess that’s part of being human and part of being a woman. Just saying…
I am trying my best to process through Summer Project while I am still on Summer Project. The Lord has done so much in my heart and my life the past eight weeks – it has felt more like eight years.
I have felt the hammer and chisel of the carpenter carefully, persistently molding and shaping away at my character and my soul this summer. Sometimes, it’s a bit of refining. Other times, I feel like I’ve gone through the tumbler for days upon days without rest. When I get closer to the All-Consuming-Fire, there is no choice but to be refined and purified. And when I asked for increased closeness this summer I should have known… refining would be imminent with I AM.
A few days ago I was talking with my roomies and I likened sanctification to climbing a mountain. Although I’ve never climbed a mountain physically, I think that I have climbed many emotionally, mentally and spiritually. (And I suppose that running a half-marathon could potentially be similar? Maybe someone more experienced can enlighten me and perhaps climbing a mountain should be on my bucket list.)
Anyways, back to the sanctifying mountain climbing… I feel as though He leads me over the rocky crags of my soul, revealing to me more of His majesty, more of His provision, more of His holiness all the while painfully pointing out the not-so-pretty parts of who I am. Not in a critical, worldly way, but in a way that I cannot help but be utterly aware of my insufficiencies in the presence of the All-Sufficient-One.
So He leads me up this particular mountain – a mountain that should properly be named Pride and Prejudice – which has seemingly no summit in sight, and I realize again and again how I all-too-often depend upon my own strength when He is right there beside me helping me all along. I’m so stubborn. When will I ever learn? It seems crazy to look back and think about throwing in the towel… after all, if I had made it this far already why would I turn back? After all of that work, after God has lead me through so much, how could I deny His power and return to the valley? It’s not like the mountain would simply disappear if I refused to cross it.
And so I finally summit this mountain – not to say that it is the only one, perhaps it was a single peak in a range that needs to be crossed and re-crossed in my life – and I now have a better perspective of how He sees my life and the lives of others. I have a bigger picture of His majesty in the midst of my life. And I realize just how many other mountains lay before me. Mountains I must continue to trek in my journey with my God.
Imagine the view from the top… as far as the eye can see… it could potentially be overwhelming … it could be breathtaking and awe-inspiring.
I realize a few things in light of this analogy. He is my strength – I do not venture on my own. He is also my joy – I can sit back, relax and delight in the incredible God that I love and who loves me unfathomably.
I can easily look ahead to the next peak, thinking “I just got up here! I don’t want to go down only to do it all over again.” I realize that there will always be another mountain in my life. Something important I have learned this summer is that I must take the time to appreciate the climb, the journey, and the changes God has done within me along the way. I can soak in His majesty at the top of the peak that I couldn’t in the valley. I can now take in a different point of view that I never could have imagined at the base. I can see myself – and Him – more accurately when His holiness brings light to my brokenness.
And I can rest. I can camp out there at the summit for a while and see what more He longs to teach me before I continue journeying with Him.
I think this is where I am right now: camping out at the top of this mountain I just climbed and taking in as much as the Lord desires to reveal before I pack up and descend. I long to respond to Him more accurately, more in line with who He is and who I am as a result of being His beloved. I long to sit at His feet in wonder, just as Mary did, rather than worrying about the next challenge or planning my next climb.
Waiting. Resting. Delighting. You’ll find me here, at the top of my mountain, proclaiming His Excellencies from the top of my lungs. And you are welcome to join me :).